UNDERSTANDING A WOMAN'S NEED FOR SECURITY

When she smiles and seems distant in thought-don’t ignore that as another sign that she is about to go off. Off about your indiscretion, misconstrued aggressions birthed through your inattention-instead open your ears and listen to what she has to say about this particular situation. You see a woman needs ears open to receive information-hands ready to give support when she sits in confusion, a heart ready to express love in consistent actions-don’t misconstrue her words for another tidal wave of compression-to your thoughts, your ideas and your words. She does not intend to hurt your heart’s intentions-she is merely seeking to communicate her own unique position-to enable you to understand her inner intuition. The last thing she wants is to fight consistently seeking for your contribution-to a conversation that requires a dialogue to reach a destination. Don’t confuse her words of notification about what she needs, to inadequacies of what you fail to give-that is not her desire-that is not her intention. A woman simply wants to feel admired, she wants to feel wanted-that is her position-she does not desire to harm your views, she does not desire to chastise you-she simply wants you to understand the situation from her position-she wants you to see the full kaleidoscope of your actions-to embrace each colorful contribution in the context of its entire composition.

This is because a woman needs security in every situation-and not just financial security even thought that is a part of her priorities-no-she needs conversation, she needs communication-this provides an emotional sanctuary. You see many people confuse a female’s constant words of repetition, for ‘nagging’, which translates loosely into consistent pounding but you see, she really does not appreciate that analogy. When you speak those words to her in response to her tirade of frustration, if you make the mistake of stating she is a woman that only understands distractions-a woman that does not see your efforts, a woman that fails to pay attention to your unique position-you would have pulled her even farther away from that sanctuary she has tried to display through her words of discomfort. She does not speak so constantly about matters that do not need attention-the reason she focuses so much on one particular route displayed through your position, is because it has breached the alarm bells that protect her emotional security-her inner sanctuary-a force that has provided her with consistent lease on walking in a focused direction. Your words have confused her and left her in a crossroads of consternation-and so the alarm bells that ring in her heart warn her that you lead her down a path she no longer understands because it is unfamiliar. And so she speaks to make you aware of the dead end ahead-she speaks because she does not want to lose the conversations, she has no desire to give up on your unique connection, she speaks because she wants to return to the place of constant conversations, she wants to once more feel like she is no less important than any of your other obligations-that is the sole reason she consistently speaks about your new habits-you know-the lack of consistency and actions, the growing presence of absence in your demeanor-she is coming close to the barrier of submission. She will soon stop bowing to your constant explanations about her complaints-because her inner radar no longer feels comfortable moving forward into a path of confusion.

Her emotional sanctuary no longer feels safe in the presence of your explanations-that is when women make their own unique decisions-some venture into the cross roads ahead blindly following you in submission. But then there are others that are not programmed to be partnered with destruction. These few refuse to ignore the sirens of warning going off in their inner conscience of direction. They heed the warning of an inner compass that understands this unique adventure-they speak louder and louder as you move farther and farther trying to get your attention. This is why before she finally leaves behind a relationship that sunk in its exploration, she shouts more and more about your constant inattention, it is because she has come to the barrier of submission, she refuses to move past that line of broken persuasions, she refuses to ignore the raging seas ahead and instead stays still trying to call your attention to the fact that she no longer will walk with you on this journey of destruction. She no longer trusts you to lead her into a sanctuary of safe provision-she no longer believes your words will eventually manifest into actions-but many fail to listen to her warning bells as they increase in volume. Unaware that she is staying still by screaming for your values-to be re-established in the position of commitment before she moves away refocused in her venture for perfect silence away from this tirade-this turbulence. Her vocal chords are strained-and she is starting to hate the sound of her own sound waves. 

These women are few but they understand when they see a shipwreck.

 They know the signs of a storm being brewed steadily into resentment. And they decide they no longer want this package of lies and save themselves from heartache-by walking away from muted movements-actions that never manifested-words that were always ready to defend but never to receive with open ears of advancement. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you were the centre of that decision-no. She looked around and realized, she could no longer trust this ship not to be shipwrecked-she could no longer fail to recognize the signs of inattentive laziness, she could no longer pretend not to be frustrated with trying to prevent a painful moment-and she has made peace with her inner seed that once believed it would grow in this commitment-but was never watered with love and gradually faded in being showered with attention. 

At this stage, at that moment, she makes one decision, to save herself from a pending procurement-of pain, anger, resentment-tied to the moment of the shipwreck-and so she steps off-choosing to believe her inner sound of peace that shows her the direction to move back into a space filled emotional sanctuary.

Do not make this selfless decision become a selfish momentum for your views on her personal attributes-she just decided she no longer wanted to feel used-she just decided it was time to step off this shipwreck of broken views-it really had nothing to do with you-because at the end, in that moment, when the waves were rocking the ship sideways and about in consistent motions, when she shouted for your help, to aid her in saving the work of both hands that once carried the stories of deep commitment, you were too distracted-and so she made the decision to save herself from the shipwreck as in that moment, during those periods of what you perceived as constant harassments, she was actually pleading with you to let her in-but then she realized, she was the only one on the sea of commitment-if she did not swim away back into the sanctuary of emotional independence, she would sink in the shipwreck of broken dreams that once housed your unified involvement. 

Don’t mistake her decision for anything less than a personal commitment-a woman needs to feel secure-she does not want to sink in a shipwreck caused by your lack of involvement. 

ACCEPT YOURSELF

Now this post is going to examine certain areas you may be uncomfortable with like your your person and even your personality. I want you to understand something before I begin: You are more than enough-you matter.

A lot of people struggle with that sentence. They find they are not enough for themselves, and hence what happens as a result of this false position of identity is it infects your environment because you have changed the tenure of your relationships through the lens you have chosen to use to focus on your personality.

No one is perfect. Not one single person in life has a perfect personality and template of engagement. You are unique because of your idiosyncrasies. Those things and aspects of yourself that make you different are what at the end of the day make you stand out.

So stop fighting with your future. That is the danger of this position. Accept who you are-accept your faults, your weaknesses, your failures, your successes. It is all part of the process that makes your person and gifts into your personality. Don’t confuse this with making excuses for your actions. No. What I am saying is it is so important to understand that yes you do have faults, but you also have amazing qualities. You are constantly working on improving yourself and your personality-constantly allowing yourself to grow. You cannot grow until and unless you accept yourself. And some of you may struggle with acceptance in your physicality, your mentality, even your spirituality.

This all comes back to the position of identity.

Stop making excuses for your faults, start making changes in your actions. This sentence may confuse some of you but I want you to understand how it is related. When you confront yourself with acceptance, in every area of your life, you have taken a stance that not only allows growth to partner with your personality, but creates rooms for changes to take place in your person. Growth comes from acceptance. Growth comes from a position of understanding that you have something to offer that no one else does. You are in a situation packaged with certain experiences, gifted with a unique mindset of understanding to present to the world your talent through your personality. This is why you have to start at the point of acceptance-it unlocks the doorway to opportunities because you give yourself room to grow.

As long as you maintain a position based on a premise of insufficiency, as long as you maintain a mindset of inadequacy, you are struggling with your personality-you are not positioned to meet with opportunity.

This is why you need to start with acceptance. To accept is to consent. So many of you are your greatest enemies. You constantly demean and diminish your characteristics, you are always focused on the next person’s personality-what about your own identity? What about your destiny? Why are you so focused on another person’s journey? Don’t you realize you are stalling your progress from beginning? When you take the lens away from your originality, there is only room for duplicity. And the danger with duplicity is, it never produces prosperity. It just doesn’t-because it is not equipped to release destiny. What is equipped is your personality. That wide grin you have, those large ears, that pointy nose, that deep voice, that quickness in speech, those artistic thoughts-you are a packaged presentation ready to be released into destiny-so stop fighting with your physicality, stop arguing with your mentality, stop hiding your spirituality. Embrace it. Be who you are-everyone else is taken. I heard that quote once and it is so adequate for this-honestly, just stop it. I understand the struggle to be relevant but you have to choose to be yourself every time-unless you don’t make enough impact to last through the seasons and opportunities you may meet at the door of progress-perspective is key.

What is perspective? Perspective is basically focus. So what are you focused on? A couple more followers? A little more recognition? It all begins from you-what do you want to do-do you want to last? Or do you want to spend your life chasing paper planes that never make an impact? You are the only permanent part of a changing society-and the gift you contain is in your identity-it contains the power to adapt to every new reality. That is why you have to start at the point of acceptance-that is truly where the path begins to create a lasting reality.

Accept yourself-it will open doors locked with the key of your characteristics.

PROTECT YOUR GENERATION FROM DESTRUCTION

Judges 2:10-23 (NIV):

10 After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. 11 Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals. 12 They forsook the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They aroused the Lord’s anger 13 because they forsook him and served Baal and the Ashtoreths. 14 In his anger against Israel the Lord gave them into the hands of raiders who plundered them. He sold them into the hands of their enemies all around, whom they were no longer able to resist. 15 Whenever Israel went out to fight, the hand of the Lord was against them to defeat them, just as he had sworn to them. They were in great distress.

16 Then the Lord raised up judges,[a] who saved them out of the hands of these raiders. 17 Yet they would not listen to their judges but prostituted themselves to other gods and worshiped them. They quickly turned from the ways of their ancestors, who had been obedient to the Lord’s commands. 18 Whenever the Lord raised up a judge for them, he was with the judge and saved them out of the hands of their enemies as long as the judge lived; for the Lord relented because of their groaning under those who oppressed and afflicted them. 19 But when the judge died, the people returned to ways even more corrupt than those of their ancestors, following other gods and serving and worshiping them. They refused to give up their evil practices and stubborn ways.

20 Therefore the Lord was very angry with Israel and said, “Because this nation has violated the covenant I ordained for their ancestors and has not listened to me, 21 I will no longer drive out before them any of the nations Joshua left when he died. 22 I will use them to test Israel and see whether they will keep the way of the Lord and walk in it as their ancestors did.” 23 The Lord had allowed those nations to remain; he did not drive them out at once by giving them into the hands of Joshua.

This Word is extremely powerful. Listen, it is so important for your children and your household to know the LORD. Look at this passage and see the amount of danger and destruction that comes from lack of knowledge and relationship with the LORD. You alone cannot steward your household into the LORD’s presence; there has to be a personal relationship with the LORD that you cultivate in your children by surrounding them with the Word.

Let’s study the Word to see the consequences which are very real by the way, of not allowing your household to come into the LORD’s presence or of failing to bear the responsibility of exposing your children to the Word.

That whole generation passed away. You won’t be here forever-but your lineage will continue. And they will grow up. The issue here and even relevant to our daily lives is this new generation in the Word neither knew the LORD nor what he had done for Israel. In other words, this is the case where your children don’t only know the LORD because you have not spoken to them about Him, you have not exposed them to Him, but also, they know nothing of what He has done for you and by extension for them-for your family. This is failing to share the testimony of how the LORD has been good to you-of how He has helped and protected you with your children. It is extremely dangerous. The danger is this-when they neither know the LORD nor of the deeds He has done-maybe because you have forgotten to share which in itself is a form of allowing the enemy to steal your testimony because you have failed to protect it by sharing it and speaking about it and living it-they sinned-they served Baals. This means they served other idols, and in this generation, this could be sexual immorality, it could be promiscuity, alcohol addiction, drug addiction, addiction to all sorts of immorality-these are Baals. These are idols they end up serving because they know nothing about God.

Notice the Word said they followed and worshipped various gods of the people around them. This is so important-you will notice if you fail to protect your posterity with the knowledge of the LORD that they will fall easily into the habits of the community, the habits of the current culture and of this world-they will just follow anything that seems current because they lack a foundation in Christ.

And this aroused the LORD’s anger. Its very dangerous to arouse the LORD’s anger-and it happens when He is forsaken-remember the LORD says He is a jealous God and Him only shall you serve. So what happens when you fail to share this knowledge of Him with your kids? When you fail to let them know of Him? They don’t serve Him-they serve idols.

And they become exposed to harm-the LORD gave this generation of Israelites over to raiders who plundered them. This means they become exposed to disease, to hardships, to problems, and situations that they should not have been exposed to in the first place-because it began with lack of knowledge. The LORD says my people perish for lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6).

And they wont be able to win any battles because they have turned from God-they have embraced different Baals-different idols of immorality and the world.

That is the real danger present in this day and age when your children don’t know the LORD.

You need to allow the LORD raise them (Judges 2:16). Allow Him to lead and teach them by bringing them into knowledge of Him. The LORD raised judges who saved those that lacked knowledge from the raiders-in other words, the LORD taught them how to fight and they won because He was with them.

If your child is on the other side, the side of ignorance, of failing to have intimacy with the LORD, they would not listen. (Judges 2:17). They won’t even pay attention. They will be stubborn (Judges 2:19). But notice the judges were leaders-the LORD was with the judge. Is your child being raised to be a judge in this generation? Your instinct knows the answer-begin to expose them to the LORD.

If they are like the Israelites who failed to listen, the danger is you have exposed your posterity to attack from the enemy-Judges 2:20-23.

Check out my Soundcloud account for more discussions:

https://soundcloud.com/tolufalode

God Bless!

BE CONTENT WITH YOUR PORTION

Matthew 6:33 (NIV):

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I learned something important: its really key to remain true to yourself. Its interesting how little things can make you question your identity-concentrate on your portion. Be content with your position. Its so important because the more you follow the scent of another path that is unfamiliar to your feet-the more likely you are to become lost along the way. And the danger in becoming lost is, you start to build your dreams in the wrong location-a big danger to identity and true certainty.

What is going on inside you cannot be replaced or duplicated-it cannot be exchanged or extinguished. You have to keep the fire burning, you have to keep the environment blazing-and with each step and each new spark, you will have ignited a new light in your darkness-a new story in your chapter, a new page in the book of your life.

We all are different-but it is a difficulty to stay true to our authenticity when we see it as boring or insufficient-but it is important you realize it is not-you are important, you matter, you carry substance, you carry truth-don’t let anyone ever take it from you.

Don’t let anyone ever make you question your truth-or else you will begin to live a lie.

This is why it is so important to be content with your portion-remain in the position you are-concentrate on advancing. This is why the Scripture above is so important.

To be content means to be pleasantly happy. In other words, to have peace. Our peace comes from Him. When we seek Him first everything else falls into place.

To seek is to search, to look for. He should be all you are looking for-in the job you are at, seek where He has placed you there and why. In your relationships, seek where He has placed you there and why, in your careers, in your marriage, in your homes, in your families-always seek where He has placed you there and why. Keep your eyes on Him. And what happens when we do this? We step into divine alignment. A position of contentment and peace and all these things will be given to you as well.

These things are your desires-whatever you desire-whatever He has placed on your heart, He will give to you-as long as you keep your eyes focused on Him-He will always provide.

Notice the Word says:

Matthew 6:31-33 (NIV):

31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

So don’t be worried about what everyone else worries about-because He is your source and so He will provide. As long as we keep our eyes on Him, He will give us what we need-and He will bless us consistently. So stay content with your portion-stay content in Him. It is so important to remain in that place of peace that comes from Him-it is a position from victory-because you are focused on Him. And don’t worry about your dreams and desires-the text above in Matthew 6:31 says we should not worry about “What shall we eat? What shall we drink?” In other words, whatever is bothering you like “when will I make it? When will I get that promotion? When will I get that vacation?” The danger of worrying about these things is you begin to run after them (Matthew 6:32). But the Word says God knows you need them. So He knows-and if He knows-why are you so worried? He will give it to you-when you seek Him first.

 So the question I want you to meditate on today is this-are you seeking Him first before your desire for a job, a promotion, a vacation, a marriage? Are you? And if you aren’t-realign yourself to seek Him first in the present, notice the verb is seek-in other words, it is always in the present-and allow Him to give you everything He knows you need.

Check out my Soundcloud broadcast about fighting in faith:

https://soundcloud.com/tolufalode/fighting-in-faith

God Bless!