1. You Don’t Know Yourself: You haven’t figured out who you are when you’re happy, sad, angry, ambitious or expectant. You still don’t know what you truly desire in life. Without having the answer to these basic questions you will never be able to identify the right person for your relationship.
This is very important because think of this analogy-how do you intend to lose weight if you don’t have a clue about your diet or exercise routine? Or how do you treat a sickness without knowing the signs or the symptoms?
Now your personality is the core of your identity-without understanding your basic desires and dreams-how do you intend to surround yourself with the right person that will push you forward instead of holding you back? Using the analogy above, this means you need to understand your heart before you give it the wrong prescription-if you give it the wrong prescription just like if you treat the wrong symptoms or use the wrong diet then don’t be surprised when you get poor results.
This also means knowledge is important-you can work out all you want and eat as healthy as you please-but with the wrong knowledge you will get the wrong results. This is the truth. Hence you need knowledge of your self to be able to ensure you don’t stick your heart and ultimately your happiness in the wrong person’s hands.
2. You Date The Wrong People: When you date the wrong people don’t expect to feel like you made the right choice. This is why it is important to understand the cost of your time, energy and effort. Another analogy to help you break this down: you cannot end up in the right location following the wrong directions.
How do you expect to end up at the right destination when you don’t even have the directions? This is exactly why you date the wrong people-because you have no idea what you desire in relationships, what you know will make you truly happy, where you intend to be in the next 2-5 years and who you intend to become in that space of time.
This is why you date the wrong person. When you understand the value of your time, energy and the effort it takes to recover from a bad relationship-you won’t have time to waste. No one likes to waste fuel on a car ride with no destination in sight. Think of your time, energy and effort as fuel wasted in the wrong relationships-this is why your heart becomes sick as a result.
3. You Are Afraid Of Being Alone: As a relationship coach, I have come to realize through confidential counseling that so many people are truly afraid of being alone. And you know what: the first step is to admit this to yourself. I did-and confronting that fear was one of the first steps to freedom in my love journey. How about you?
You need to confront the fear of being alone to free yourself from the chains of being afraid. So many people stay too long in a dysfuncional relationship because of this one fear thats not even rational in the first place.
And so what if you’re alone-at least you’re happy! This is why your heart is sick with worry, anxiety, unhappiness, discomfort in the wrong relationships-because at the end of the day you know its not right for you-but you’re too afraid to admit why you won’t leave-you don’t want to be alone-and as a result you deal with your heart’s sickness refusing to take the one prescription-freedom.
4. You Give Too Much Too Soon: I’ve been there-its such a terrible idea. Never give too much of yourself too quickly in relationships. Think about it like this-if you suddenly changed your diet too quickly or jumped right in the middle of an exercise routine without building up the pace-you will break down-its like reading for an exam too late-you cram and everything is so delicate and likely to scatter.
You need to pace yourself in the relationship. Don’t overshare too early and don’t overshare too late-share as you move forward-build on the trust you have for one another, make sure you understand each other in terms of your beliefs and your backgrounds. This is mega important so you don’t make your heart riddled with unease due to too much information too quickly-this is what happens when your partner for instance shares information about his ex’s when you just meet, and you don’t know him/her enough to trust them just yet and you begin to become anxious for no reason whatsoever.
Or you meet his/her friends too early and they influence the direction of your relationship because you haven’t spent enough time with the person to be able to protect your thoughts from your friends/family members curiosity and advice. Don’t give too much too soon-spend time to get to know one another first.
5. You Haven’t Met The Right Person: At this point you may be saying but Tolu I take my time in relationships, I am comfortable being single, I know myself and my dreams and ambitions and I still date the wrong people-the answer is you simply haven’t met the right person-and this means you have to practice patience.
Just because you take the steps above does not mean your heart won’t become upset or long for a partner but it does mean you are on the right track to being connected with the right person. Another analogy to help you here-just because you have decided to take a vacation from one country to the next by air does not mean you can get there any faster than the flight time-you still have to stay on the flight from take off to landing-you cannot and should not abort the process to meeting the right person-you have to occupy that space of time with learning more about yourself, investing in your business and giving room to know more about your friends and family-that way when you do meet the right person, you are ready and rightly positioned to commit to him/her.
6. You Never Give Yourself Room To Heal: But then there’s always the fact that some people jump from one relationship to the next in a really short space of time. Never a good idea. Giving yourself room to heal varies for different people just like my diet varies from yours-but the point is you have to take it to see progress.
Imagine having an injury and instead of treating the infection-in this case the past relationship-you expose the injury (the break up) to the infection-relationships in general. Your heart would not react properly because in this case your heart is the source of the injury and it needs room to heal like any other injury you have ever sustained.
If you keep exposing the infection you will always be in pain. Some people heal faster than others-the point is you heal-this way your heart is not too cautious or too scared-this is what happens when some people in relationships are paranoid about their present partner because of their prior one ie maybe he/she cheated and you accuse your present partner of cheating as well-you have infected your relationship. So let your heart heal.
7. You’re Settling: When you don’t know your worth-you don’t know how to appreciate your value. Another analogy to help you understand this is: you value the items that cost you more than those that cost you less.
You do not leave diamonds lying around the house, or designer items lying on the floor because you appreciate the cost. The same way when you appreciate your value, you know your worth and would not tolerate yourself being disrespected or treated like you are not worth the effort or the time.
Your heart knows this but because you fail to understand your value you put your heart in an uncomfortable position-this is why it is important not to settle. When you spend time with yourself, stop dating the wrong people, allowing yourself room to heal, take your time to see if your partner looks as good in person as they do on paper, you will not only refuse to settle but you would be content to be patient for the right person to show up!
These are 7 Simple Reasons Why Your Heart Is Sick of Your Love Choices-what do you think?