JUST A FEW LESSONS FROM 2017....

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1. I learned to look more with my faith instead of my fears: In 2016 I spent a lot of time trying to get past my fears in an attempt to see with faith. God spent time teaching me this by making sure I had to learn to look at Him because there was nowhere else to look for opportunities, there was no one to depend on for direction on the next step, and there was nowhere I could face to understand what was waiting for me ahead. And I remember that was hard for me because I’m a planner by nature. I want to know what I’ll be doing in the next few months, tomorrow, in the next year and so on but God taught me last year that was all going to have to change because that’s not how my Father works lol. This year I started to put that into practice. I moved back home after studying and working in the States because I knew that was where God was telling me to face at this time. I started another journey here in Lagos in my studies because I knew that was what God was telling me to do this season. And all of this was in spite of my fears. Through my experiences last year I was able to flow much quicker in my faith this year. I was able to respond much faster and see much clearer because I have learned not to focus on where I want to be but on where God has called me to be in this moment, in this season and its brought me closer to Him. 

 

2. God doesn’t lie whatever He says He does: This year my trust in the LORD grew deeper. I’ve discovered whatever He says He will do-He has done. He doesn’t necessarily tell you how He’s going to do it or what will bring it about-whatever that it is-be it relationships, business, academics and so on-but He comes through each and every single time. This has increased my love for Him and has made my dependency on Him grow stronger. Its also put me in a position where I do not care what others say or what they think my concern is-what is my Father saying to me?- because He is the only one that I listen to and this year I learned through the fact that He always comes through that He truly doesn’t lie and He never goes back on His Word if you come through on your end. (Numbers 23:19)

 

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3. Forgiveness is a choice: Yes its truly a choice. I may not want to forgive you but I choose to forgive you so I can release myself. I’ve learned this year there’s no point holding a grudge against any one for anything. You may very well remember but it doesn’t have to become a dagger that is constantly twisting at your side whenever you think about that person or run into them. I’ve chosen this year to forgive people I didn’t feel like forgiving because I decided I have no time to waste thinking on someone else’s mistakes or actions when there are things I myself need to be doing right now. I have learned to learn my lesson and move on. 

 

4. You don’t have to like me-not everyone will: And this is another lesson I learned this year lol. Its okay if not everyone likes you in fact if everyone does like you there’s probably a problem in there somewhere. You have to understand no matter what you stand for even if its right and you’re doing it right it’ll still rob some people the wrong way and it has nothing to do with you, your personality or your principles-they just don’t like you. And that’s just fine. There’s a certain confidence hidden in not caring what others think about you. There’s freedom in that and I started to unearth that freedom this year. I learned that even if I’m doing my best, I’m acting my best, I’m sticking with what is right-some people just won’t appreciate it and guess what? That’s just fine. And I found freedom in allowing myself to accept that. 

 

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5. If you do the right thing long enough you’ll inspire others to do the same: This kind of flows from my last point but I thought I should mention it anyway. You may be doing the right thing and thinking no one is being inspired, no one is looking, no one is watching but I’ve learned a lot of the time, its not about who is watching you or what you’re doing its more about why you’re doing it. I do what I do every day because I feel that is what God has led me to do-not my friends or my family or even myself cause to be honest on some days I’d rather just not do anything at all and just be. But I’ve learned that when I do these things and even when I do them long enough others slowly and then surely start to join in because I chose to go against the grain, I chose not to conform, I chose to stand by what was right even when I was told it was wrong-it inspired others to also move. And I realized if I hadn’t done so, I would have lost an opportunity to learn what it means to stand by your values when others quickly give up their own. 

 

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6. My beauty shouldn’t be compared to any other person’s beauty: As a woman I’m sure you will agree ladies-you are judged based on your outer beauty as opposed to your inner beauty. I’ve known this since I was a child because I like to think I’m very perceptive of what goes on around me. I remember even until now when its a girl the compliments are more based on how she’s pretty or she’s beautiful but when its a boy its not the same line of comparison. Its more to do with his character than his facial features like he’s strong, he’s confident, he’s assertive but when its a woman none of those qualities are examined-its more to do with how she looks, how she walks, and sometimes even if she’s confident its seen as unattractive. Well this year I just decided I’ve had enough lol. I’ve had my fair share of being compared based on my beauty instead of my brains or my brawn and this year I just decided I am not going to stand for it anymore. I’m tired of being qualified by men especially based on my appearance or how I look when that has absolutely nothing to do with who I am. And women do this to themselves as well. Towards the end of this year I just decided instead of smiling-I’m going to start calling people out on this. I’ve had enough of it. I’m not going to be compared to another woman based on who is more beautiful or who is better looking. I realized it was happening because I accepted it and I laughed it off or I smiled. But now I’ve decided its not a compliment if you tell me I’m prettier or she’s prettier its really just an insult. to both of us. And I won’t tolerate it anymore from anyone. And yes ladies there’s freedom in that too. 

 

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7. You say you can’t-God says you will: A lot of you know this year I qualified as an attorney in the State of New York. The journey to being qualified was one of extreme faith. I mean my faith was PUSHED. I remember so clearly I did NOT want to take that exam but Daddy-thats who God is to me-was literally pulling AND pushing me towards it. And I say He was pulling me because I’ve learned to listen to Him even when I don’t want to-and thats the definition of obedience-doing it even though you don’t feel like it. Well He kept saying it through my spirit, my mother, my family members that I should take it and thank God for my mum because I did end up taking it. I remember I was so afraid. I was terrified to be quite honest. And then it happened-I passed. I literally broke down when I found out because I knew it wasn’t me-it was God. The Tolu I know wouldn’t have the courage to even consider taking that exam not to talk of actually sitting and then passing it. It was notorious for failure. Its notorious for its difficulty and yet God enabled me to pass it after just one sitting. I learned A LOT through that experience. I learned where I say I cannot-God says YOU WILL. I learned who God has called me to be does not resemble who I think I am. The Tolu I knew never aspired to be an attorney in New York because it seemed to lofty an achievement and quite frankly it never crossed my mind but the Tolu God knows is an attorney in New York and He introduced me to her-and through this experience I’ve learned if Daddy says I can do it-I’m going to do it because I’d rather be the Tolu He has called me to be than the Tolu I think I am. I also learned I really don’t know who I am but God knows me very well. 

These are just a couple of lessons I learned this year! I shared a whole lot more with my mailing list! You can join by entering your details and you’ll be added to our little family to receive more insights into what this year has taught me. 

What has this year taught you?

Leave your thoughts below!

5 POWERFUL SECRETS EVERY SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMAN SHOULD KNOW

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Ladies! This week I wanted to discuss these 5 Secrets to your Singlehood with you!

 

Waiting Is A Gift Not A Curse: Waiting has so many gifts that could be unwrapped if single godly women learned to treat it like a season and not a sentence. During this period you learn to draw closer to God, you learn to be single, happy and God-fident, you learn what it means to be a godly woman in faith and in deeds, you learn how to wait the right way, you learn when a man’s intentions are true or not, you learn to listen to the Spirit of God and so much more! But this is only when you start to see this season as a gift and not a curse.

I discuss a lot more about WAITING in our first Episode of the on going series IN THE WAIT right here

 

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Surrender Is Part Of Being Single: While you’re single you learn to surrender your timing to God. You learn what it means to let God have His will and His way. And this means you do not get married when you think you’re ready but when God says you’re ready, you do not get that promotion when you want it but when God says you need it. You learn the beauty in surrender is to trust God’s timing in al things and not your own understanding (Prov 3:5)

Submission Is Key: You start to understand what it means to be a woman of faith who also practices submission. This is learned through your relationship with the Holy Spirit. He teaches you this as you submit more and more to His leadership because the children of God are led by His Spirit (Romans 8:14) which means you don’t give that guy a call back because you learn to submit to the leadership of the Spirit of God telling you he just wants to be sexual with you, you learn to walk away from men and opportunities God has shown you are not good for you even though you’re lonely and would like to settle for whats available right now. You learn to not go back to your ex because you submit the decision that he is not the right one for you to God, you learn to be content in your waiting because you have submitted the process to the Holy Spirit.  

There Is Power In Prayer and Fasting: You begin to learn in your season of singleness the power of prayer. You start to develop the gift of prayer God has given you and exercise it to help you stay motivated, focused and fighting in your faith and in His will for you. You begin to operate on a much higher frequency of who God has called you to be when you start to understand the power in prayer and this is unearthed during your season of singleness. You begin to feed your spirit and starve your flesh. This can be taken literally in terms of fasting but it also enables you to grow spiritually. You learn the power in fasting and how to fast and fight in faith. You learn what it means to be a woman of God, called of God and the authority that has been released in your life through this process of surrender, submission and sacrifice that comes with following God and not man and channeling your growth in learning to fast through the leadership of His Spirit. Fasting will teach you to deny your body of its wants for what your spirit needs, fasting will teach you to be more spiritually alert, fasting will feed your faith, prayer will be the fuel to your faith. You can learn all this and use it as a weapon during your single season.

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Sacrifice: You learn the power of sacrifice-the power of saying No when God says NO and learning to be deaf to the desires of your flesh because you are feeding your spirit. You learn what it means to become a living sacrifice to the King of Kings and how this means you can no longer determine when and what and how your desires should be met but you have to come to the place of choosing to lay all these thoughts and wants at the feet of Christ and sacrificing it all for what and where He has placed you in this season to be used. You learn through sacrifice to mature in your faith and mature into the woman God has called you to be. 

 


These are some powerful secrets that are operative in your season of singleness.

You will be tested and the more you learn to activate these steps the more you will be ready to fight with your faith when the tests come. 

My series of teachings are available to help you delve deeper into this process. To learn more about waiting the right way, you can check out our series In The Wait Episode 1 right here

Visit our store for additional resources here


5 AMAZING QUALITIES OF A GOD-FIDENT WOMAN

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Hey Ladies! Today’s post is on the God-fident woman! 

A God-fident woman has certain qualities that make her attractive to others and to her environment! I will be sharing some of them briefly.

1.  She has a KNOWING spirit: Her spirit knows she is a queen, her spirit knows she is deserving to be treated with respect, her spirit speaks into her soul and teaches her how to carry her body. She is confident in how she talks, she seeks and obtains security from the Spirit of God and is not easily fazed by other people’s thoughts.

 

 

2. Her qualities speak silently: She has a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:3-4). A spirit that is knowing, a spirit that thrives on clarity. Her qualities advertise her silently and beautifully. Her personality is constantly evolving she is not predictable she is intentional about living in a godly fashion. This has an impact on who she relates with and where you can find her and when she makes herself available. She thrives on originality-she is divinely inspired in her work, in her emotions, in her relationships

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3. She does not allow men define her: Whether she is single or in a relationship-her worth does not come from men-it does not come from her marriage, it does not come from her boyfriend: it comes from God. She has learned that a man cannot complete her he can only complement what God has completed in her. She does not change her role based solely on the need to attract a man or to please her husband. She understands the position God has placed her in maritally and relationally and allows Him to speak into how her role is played to the best benefit of both her and her partner.

4. She is walking and working in her purpose: A God-fident woman knows she has a divine assignment. She carries it out daily diligently-she listens to the Spirit of God for her daily dose of destiny. She understands that it may change and shift but she walks with God confidently because she knows His plans for her will prosper her and not harm her (Jeremiah 29:11). She is a woman of certainty because she has a relationship with the Almighty.

5. She is led by the Holy Spirit: She understands that she cannot do anything on her own-that the children of God are led by His Spirit (Romans 8:14). That she is a woman but firstly she is a daughter of God. She carries this responsibility seriously-she nurtures her relationship with the Almighty and does not allow anyone interfere. She listens to His Spirit and constantly seeks His views on how she can grow in her virtue. 


These are some 5 Qualities present in a God-fident woman.

To learn more about how to become this woman I have some exciting packages to help you! 

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4 EASY WAYS TO FORGET YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP

1. Get Busy: Get busy with your faith, family and finances, Focus on you-and do you. This way you start to understand your value and realize your worth. This is so important: When you begin to know who you are and how much you’re worth, you will not be drawn to past relationships where you were de-valued as easily. It will become much harder and much more difficult for you to look back because you now know you were treated and handled wrongly.

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2. Invest In Your Faith, Family And Friends: I had to go deeper here: When you let go you enter a season of purging. If you want me to explain this more, comment below or send me a message but in summary a season of purging is when you begin to allow God remold your desires through reshaping your heart (Psalm 37:4). This will also mean you will realize whether that ex is for you or not. If God says no, when you have remolded your heart, you will let go and do whatever it takes to make sure you stay gone because you have now woken up to the fact that whoever God has not sent for you is against you. And the importance of investing in family is learning to place a priority on the most important things in life-like love, your siblings, your parents-the older you grow, the more you will be opportune to build a stronger, deeper foundation with not only your parents but also your siblings. And finally, friends are important-eliminate and elevate. Friends that contributed to the mistakes of your past, and don’t want you to move forward cannot last-let those friendships go. Build forward with friends that have constantly had your back, friends that protected you in the past, friends that have told you the truth no matter what because they truly care for you in their heart. This is the time to invest in these relationships and areas and you will begin to realize you have started to let go.

 

3. Forgive Yourself, And Forget The Past: Yes change starts with you. I know you feel guilty and you think how could you have been so stupid? I know you feel foolish like you were deceived and now you want to end up compromising. Please don’t do it. Forgive yourself first so you can learn to begin forgiving your ex and you will naturally forget the past. I always say the first step is to make the decision in your heart and carry it out with some simple tasks: delete their pictures, numbers, texts, contacts on social media and proceed to block everything. Block their number so they cannot reach you on whatever platform, so you will not be tempted. The more you do this the harder it will be to hang on to memories and the easier it will become to forgive yourself and you will find you will start to feel less pain towards your ex as you face forward and move on. This will naturally enable you to forget the past so you can start to build on a foundation that will last.

4. Learn What You Want In A Family: Yes this is truly one of the most important things. When you leave a toxic relationship you usually know what you don’t want from the next one and also you should start spending time to learn where YOU went wrong and what YOU did wrong. Yes I know they were terrible, selfish, obnoxious, manipulative, unkind, cheaters etc but thats besides the point-what did you do wrong? This is a truth you will have to face to reach the other side of happiness-where could you have improved? Where you too clingy? How did you misplace your priorities? Listen when you do this, you will start to know what you want in a family-its part of the process of focusing on the right picture. And yes I say family because you are building a foundation for a future. I am addressing men and women that want to face the altar in their future. Start looking at where you could improve for your next partner, where you could grow in becoming a husband/wife, ask God for direction and you will start noticing where you made certain errors, also start thinking generationally-What type of man do I want to lead the family? What type of man do I want my children to be emulating? What kind of man do I want to introduce to my family? (For men: Change the gender). These are questions you will start asking and when you begin to notice your ex does not fit the picture of the type of man you want your children to be calling Daddy/Mommy, the type of husband/wife you want to stand with etc you will begin to let go some more.


These are just 4 steps to help you let go practically.

I now offer Coaching Classes-you can book a session here. For consulations/questions on the Coaching Program send an e-mail to: tolu@tolufalode.com you can also learn more here.