1. Get Busy: Get busy with your faith, family and finances, Focus on you-and do you. This way you start to understand your value and realize your worth. This is so important: When you begin to know who you are and how much you’re worth, you will not be drawn to past relationships where you were de-valued as easily. It will become much harder and much more difficult for you to look back because you now know you were treated and handled wrongly.


2. Invest In Your Faith, Family And Friends: I had to go deeper here: When you let go you enter a season of purging. If you want me to explain this more, comment below or send me a message but in summary a season of purging is when you begin to allow God remold your desires through reshaping your heart (Psalm 37:4). This will also mean you will realize whether that ex is for you or not. If God says no, when you have remolded your heart, you will let go and do whatever it takes to make sure you stay gone because you have now woken up to the fact that whoever God has not sent for you is against you. And the importance of investing in family is learning to place a priority on the most important things in life-like love, your siblings, your parents-the older you grow, the more you will be opportune to build a stronger, deeper foundation with not only your parents but also your siblings. And finally, friends are important-eliminate and elevate. Friends that contributed to the mistakes of your past, and don’t want you to move forward cannot last-let those friendships go. Build forward with friends that have constantly had your back, friends that protected you in the past, friends that have told you the truth no matter what because they truly care for you in their heart. This is the time to invest in these relationships and areas and you will begin to realize you have started to let go.


3. Forgive Yourself, And Forget The Past: Yes change starts with you. I know you feel guilty and you think how could you have been so stupid? I know you feel foolish like you were deceived and now you want to end up compromising. Please don’t do it. Forgive yourself first so you can learn to begin forgiving your ex and you will naturally forget the past. I always say the first step is to make the decision in your heart and carry it out with some simple tasks: delete their pictures, numbers, texts, contacts on social media and proceed to block everything. Block their number so they cannot reach you on whatever platform, so you will not be tempted. The more you do this the harder it will be to hang on to memories and the easier it will become to forgive yourself and you will find you will start to feel less pain towards your ex as you face forward and move on. This will naturally enable you to forget the past so you can start to build on a foundation that will last.

4. Learn What You Want In A Family: Yes this is truly one of the most important things. When you leave a toxic relationship you usually know what you don’t want from the next one and also you should start spending time to learn where YOU went wrong and what YOU did wrong. Yes I know they were terrible, selfish, obnoxious, manipulative, unkind, cheaters etc but thats besides the point-what did you do wrong? This is a truth you will have to face to reach the other side of happiness-where could you have improved? Where you too clingy? How did you misplace your priorities? Listen when you do this, you will start to know what you want in a family-its part of the process of focusing on the right picture. And yes I say family because you are building a foundation for a future. I am addressing men and women that want to face the altar in their future. Start looking at where you could improve for your next partner, where you could grow in becoming a husband/wife, ask God for direction and you will start noticing where you made certain errors, also start thinking generationally-What type of man do I want to lead the family? What type of man do I want my children to be emulating? What kind of man do I want to introduce to my family? (For men: Change the gender). These are questions you will start asking and when you begin to notice your ex does not fit the picture of the type of man you want your children to be calling Daddy/Mommy, the type of husband/wife you want to stand with etc you will begin to let go some more.

These are just 4 steps to help you let go practically.

I now offer Coaching Classes-you can book a session here. For consulations/questions on the Coaching Program send an e-mail to: tolu@tolufalode.com you can also learn more here.


Hi Guys! I haven't blogged this month-my apologies-I will aim to be more consistent moving forward. Any suggestions for topics can be placed down below!

1. Have I Healed? This is an important question only you can answer-have you allowed God to heal you from your past pain? From your baggage-known and unknown? When God breathes healing in your direction its take time but it would take a whole lot longer for you to figure it out on your own. Before you move into your next relationship you need to know you have enough room to love someone else other than you.

2. Do I Love Myself? This is the next question you need to answer-its vital that you have a relationship with yourself before you take the next step to loving someone else. You will not know how to love, who to love and what love is if you do not know how to love yourself. This in itself is a journey-there is no perfection but there is progress in this direction and when you move in progress you will notice love is a process which in itself will change the way you love.

3. Do I Know My Deal Breakers? You need to know what in essence you will not stand for in a relationship-deal breakers are red lights not yellow and most definitely not green. A lot of people move into relationships with yellow lights-in other words they compromise aspects of their lives  that should not be questioned in the first place-for instance-your faith is not up for debate-you should not be compromising in this area-so do you know your deal breakers? What are they?

4. Am I Ready For Marriage? Yes thats a question you have to ask yourself because if you’re old enough to be in a relationship that is grounded in God’s will, you’re old enough to start thinking on marriage but do you know what it means to be married? I’m not talking about a wedding i.e the dress, venue, flowers, your bridesmaids or groomsmen-I am talking about saying yes when you want to say no to your spouse’s decisions, being there for your spouse through the highs and the lows, putting your spouse first and above your needs and wants, making a home not just a house, preparing to fight for your family in prayer and more-are you ready?

These are some 4 key questions I believe everyone should ask themselves before getting yourself into another relationship. And these questions will need reflection and introspection.

It will take time but it will be worth it if you find the answer.



Hey Guys! We had our first guest over on the show-Tosin Alabi! She dropped some amazing insights into knowing "How He Is The One"

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1. You Always Feel Lost: A relationship should have a focus. When you’re with the wrong man your heart will not be able to face forward-it is like a compass that has no direction. You ALWAYS feel LOST. Today you’re happy-tomorrow you’re upset. Today he makes promises-tomorrow he breaks them. This is what it means to feel lost-and if you’re in this relationship-then it’s the wrong one.

2. The Spark Is Gone: You no longer feel attracted to him anymore. Sure you started off with some amazing chemistry but now the spark is gone. The spark being gone is different from the fire being out. The spark creates the fire. Once the spark is gone-unless you both are willing to work TOGETHER to bring it back-the relationship is not the right one. In the right relationship the spark should always stay lit even if it is SMALL-the point is you both try to make it work.

3. You Give and He Takes A Lot More: When you are in the wrong relationship-you are always giving and never receiving. You give your time, energy, attention and throw in some effort but have nothing to show for your sacrifice. He does not do the same thing or take the same steps to make you happy-then you’re with the wrong guy.

4. You Constantly Feel Under Pressure: You know something is wrong. You cannot place a finger on it because honestly it’s a combination of everything. You don’t understand each other anymore-you constantly fight about things that should carry no weight at all. You disagree more than you used to before. You feel the pressure to leave and then to stay at the same time-that is a relationship that is confused at its core.