1. You Always Feel Lost: A relationship should have a focus. When you’re with the wrong man your heart will not be able to face forward-it is like a compass that has no dreiction. You ALWAYS feel LOST. Today you’re happy-tomorrow you’re upset. Today he makes promises-tomorrow he breaks them. This is what it means to feel lost-and if you’re in this relationship-then it’s the wrong one.

2. The Spark Is Gone: You no longer feel attracted to him anymore. Sure you started off with some amazing chemistry but now the spark is gone. The spark being gone is different from the fire being out. The spark creates the fire. Once the spark is gone-unless you both are willing to work TOGETHER to bring it back-the relationship is not the right one. In the right relationship the spark should always stay lit even if it is SMALL-the point is you both try to make it work.

3. You Give and He Takes A Lot More: When you are in the wrong relationship-you are always giving and never receiving. You give your time, energy, attention and throw in some effort but have nothing to show for your sacrifice. He does not do the same thing or take the same steps to make you happy-then you’re with the wrong guy.

4. You Constantly Feel Under Pressure: You know something is wrong. You cannot place a finger on it because honestly it’s a combination of everything. You don’t understand each other anymore-you constantly fight about things that should carry no weight at all. You disagree more than you used to before. You feel the pressure to leave and then to stay at the same time-that is a relationship that is confused at its core.



1. Clarity: Make sure there is clarity at the core of your relationship. You both should have a discussion on what your aim in the relationship is-to focus each of you if one or the other forgets. You also need to discuss the time that will be spent apart. Share your reservations about the distance with each other-the point is to be open with one another-not to build on any lurking insecurities but to reinforce the purpose of the relationship i.e Although we are apart for [insert number of weeks/months/years] I am committed to this relationship fully. This way you both dissipate any lurking fears being felt by the other party.

2. Communication: Communicate constantly. This is very important. This is similar to the first point-share your fears, your concerns but also share your expectations. Reflect on memories together when you’re both apart. Make plans for when next you will see each other. This will give you both a time frame to work with and opportunities to look forward to. It will also you remind you both of why the distance is worth it and the connection you both share.

3. Protect Your Privacy: Do not share your concerns with everyone in the relationship. Just because you both had a fight does not mean it is the business of your friends or family members. This is super important especially in long distance relationships-the relationship is much more delicate. You need to make sure you maintain your privacy in the relationship and it also shows respect and solidarity with your partner.

4. Connection: When you both see each other spend time together-make time to hang out with friends and family together, to build memories with one another and also to talk to one another. These three factors are important because it shows your friends and family members that the relationship is a priority to both of you, you both have an opportunity to once more build on your connection through events and places you go to together and finally and arguably most importantly you give room for each other to talk about your fears and concerns and even hopes in the relationship face to face-this allows honesty to grow and the connection to become stronger.

5. Pray: This is the final but most important point. Pray together-read the Word of God together. Pray for each other and grow yourselves spiritually together. This is the foundation on which your relationship should be built because then you are not only connected emotionally, physically but most importantly-spiritually. This will allow you both to grow in the relationship together and to learn how to sustain the relationship in the long run through the guidance of God. Prayer also eases any lurking concerns in the relationship and gives you wisdom on how to handle the inevitable issues that come with long distance relationships.


These are some pointers to help you deal with a relationship in long distance.

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1. You Give Too Much Too Quickly: This is different from giving too much too soon. Giving too much too quickly in your relationship means you let your partner know your most prized possessions, give them an update on your family history and familial tensions, share all the tidbits about your friends and family members-when you have barely begun to know the person you are speaking to. Just because your partner is charming, friendly, dotting does not mean that is who they really are-it only means that is who they want you to think they are because when you first get into a relationship you have your best foot forward.

2. You Spend Too Much Time Together Too Soon: There is nothing wrong with getting to know your partner but there is something wrong in getting too attached. When you become too attached to your partner your judgement goes out the window. This is because you basically have “blinders” on in the relationship and as a result you cannot see clearly when something is wrong or even when something is right-and on the other side-you start to take each other for granted. This is even more dangerous because now both of you are building a relationship based on dysfunction and disillusionment-this is the cause of many heartbreaks in relationships.


3. You Make Your Partner Your Family And Your Friend: Listen: yes when you both are married your partner effectively becomes your family and your best friend but this does not mean the same thing as seeing your partner as your sole source of comfort when you are facing challenges, this definitely does not mean the same thing as making your partner your mother and father in every and all situations and it most certainly does not mean your partner becomes the only person you depend on for your emotional investments. This is why some couples also break up-because you place too much weight on your partner’s shoulders and as a result they become stressed and strained.

4. You Strip Your Partner Financially: This is so important-in fact I might do some more teachings on this. Yes you are a couple. Yes you should discuss your finances as a married couple and even share a bank account because you now have a family and you both are married. But this does not mean you take from your partner’s finances as a married couple without their knowledge, or you invest in ventures without their approval. And for the singles this does not mean you share your bank account information with that man/woman. It also does not mean you tell them of every business venture you have on going because at the end of the day you do not know that man/woman from a financial perspective-you have no idea about their contacts or how they think financially. And also more importantly observe how they react to your businesses-are they supportive, jealous? Or even worse, are they determined to eat a share of the profits-this is so important because it will show you how your partner speaks and composes himself/herself financially.

5. You Tell Your Family And Friends About Every Fight You Both Have: Don’t do it. Whether single or married-do not involve your friends and family members no matter how close they are in all your squabbles as a couple. This is because of a deeper reason-it could ruin the trust in the relationship and it could turn your family and friends against your prospective husband/wife before the marriage. Choose to sort things out with your partner-respect their personalities and even their mistakes because you too will make mistakes you will need grace for down the line. So don’t sacrifice your partner’s mistakes at the alter of your family members judgement and definitely don’t hang them on the cross of your friend’s opinions about him/her.

These are 5 mistakes you make in your relationship without your knowledge that could be the reason you both are having issues.

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