Ladies! This week I wanted to discuss these 5 Secrets to your Singlehood with you!


Waiting Is A Gift Not A Curse: Waiting has so many gifts that could be unwrapped if single godly women learned to treat it like a season and not a sentence. During this period you learn to draw closer to God, you learn to be single, happy and God-fident, you learn what it means to be a godly woman in faith and in deeds, you learn how to wait the right way, you learn when a man’s intentions are true or not, you learn to listen to the Spirit of God and so much more! But this is only when you start to see this season as a gift and not a curse.

I discuss a lot more about WAITING in our first Episode of the on going series IN THE WAIT right here



Surrender Is Part Of Being Single: While you’re single you learn to surrender your timing to God. You learn what it means to let God have His will and His way. And this means you do not get married when you think you’re ready but when God says you’re ready, you do not get that promotion when you want it but when God says you need it. You learn the beauty in surrender is to trust God’s timing in al things and not your own understanding (Prov 3:5)

Submission Is Key: You start to understand what it means to be a woman of faith who also practices submission. This is learned through your relationship with the Holy Spirit. He teaches you this as you submit more and more to His leadership because the children of God are led by His Spirit (Romans 8:14) which means you don’t give that guy a call back because you learn to submit to the leadership of the Spirit of God telling you he just wants to be sexual with you, you learn to walk away from men and opportunities God has shown you are not good for you even though you’re lonely and would like to settle for whats available right now. You learn to not go back to your ex because you submit the decision that he is not the right one for you to God, you learn to be content in your waiting because you have submitted the process to the Holy Spirit.  

There Is Power In Prayer and Fasting: You begin to learn in your season of singleness the power of prayer. You start to develop the gift of prayer God has given you and exercise it to help you stay motivated, focused and fighting in your faith and in His will for you. You begin to operate on a much higher frequency of who God has called you to be when you start to understand the power in prayer and this is unearthed during your season of singleness. You begin to feed your spirit and starve your flesh. This can be taken literally in terms of fasting but it also enables you to grow spiritually. You learn the power in fasting and how to fast and fight in faith. You learn what it means to be a woman of God, called of God and the authority that has been released in your life through this process of surrender, submission and sacrifice that comes with following God and not man and channeling your growth in learning to fast through the leadership of His Spirit. Fasting will teach you to deny your body of its wants for what your spirit needs, fasting will teach you to be more spiritually alert, fasting will feed your faith, prayer will be the fuel to your faith. You can learn all this and use it as a weapon during your single season.


Sacrifice: You learn the power of sacrifice-the power of saying No when God says NO and learning to be deaf to the desires of your flesh because you are feeding your spirit. You learn what it means to become a living sacrifice to the King of Kings and how this means you can no longer determine when and what and how your desires should be met but you have to come to the place of choosing to lay all these thoughts and wants at the feet of Christ and sacrificing it all for what and where He has placed you in this season to be used. You learn through sacrifice to mature in your faith and mature into the woman God has called you to be. 


These are some powerful secrets that are operative in your season of singleness.

You will be tested and the more you learn to activate these steps the more you will be ready to fight with your faith when the tests come. 

My series of teachings are available to help you delve deeper into this process. To learn more about waiting the right way, you can check out our series In The Wait Episode 1 right here

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Hey Ladies! Today’s post is on the God-fident woman! 

A God-fident woman has certain qualities that make her attractive to others and to her environment! I will be sharing some of them briefly.

1.  She has a KNOWING spirit: Her spirit knows she is a queen, her spirit knows she is deserving to be treated with respect, her spirit speaks into her soul and teaches her how to carry her body. She is confident in how she talks, she seeks and obtains security from the Spirit of God and is not easily fazed by other people’s thoughts.



2. Her qualities speak silently: She has a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:3-4). A spirit that is knowing, a spirit that thrives on clarity. Her qualities advertise her silently and beautifully. Her personality is constantly evolving she is not predictable she is intentional about living in a godly fashion. This has an impact on who she relates with and where you can find her and when she makes herself available. She thrives on originality-she is divinely inspired in her work, in her emotions, in her relationships


3. She does not allow men define her: Whether she is single or in a relationship-her worth does not come from men-it does not come from her marriage, it does not come from her boyfriend: it comes from God. She has learned that a man cannot complete her he can only complement what God has completed in her. She does not change her role based solely on the need to attract a man or to please her husband. She understands the position God has placed her in maritally and relationally and allows Him to speak into how her role is played to the best benefit of both her and her partner.

4. She is walking and working in her purpose: A God-fident woman knows she has a divine assignment. She carries it out daily diligently-she listens to the Spirit of God for her daily dose of destiny. She understands that it may change and shift but she walks with God confidently because she knows His plans for her will prosper her and not harm her (Jeremiah 29:11). She is a woman of certainty because she has a relationship with the Almighty.

5. She is led by the Holy Spirit: She understands that she cannot do anything on her own-that the children of God are led by His Spirit (Romans 8:14). That she is a woman but firstly she is a daughter of God. She carries this responsibility seriously-she nurtures her relationship with the Almighty and does not allow anyone interfere. She listens to His Spirit and constantly seeks His views on how she can grow in her virtue. 

These are some 5 Qualities present in a God-fident woman.

To learn more about how to become this woman I have some exciting packages to help you! 

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1. Get Busy: Get busy with your faith, family and finances, Focus on you-and do you. This way you start to understand your value and realize your worth. This is so important: When you begin to know who you are and how much you’re worth, you will not be drawn to past relationships where you were de-valued as easily. It will become much harder and much more difficult for you to look back because you now know you were treated and handled wrongly.


2. Invest In Your Faith, Family And Friends: I had to go deeper here: When you let go you enter a season of purging. If you want me to explain this more, comment below or send me a message but in summary a season of purging is when you begin to allow God remold your desires through reshaping your heart (Psalm 37:4). This will also mean you will realize whether that ex is for you or not. If God says no, when you have remolded your heart, you will let go and do whatever it takes to make sure you stay gone because you have now woken up to the fact that whoever God has not sent for you is against you. And the importance of investing in family is learning to place a priority on the most important things in life-like love, your siblings, your parents-the older you grow, the more you will be opportune to build a stronger, deeper foundation with not only your parents but also your siblings. And finally, friends are important-eliminate and elevate. Friends that contributed to the mistakes of your past, and don’t want you to move forward cannot last-let those friendships go. Build forward with friends that have constantly had your back, friends that protected you in the past, friends that have told you the truth no matter what because they truly care for you in their heart. This is the time to invest in these relationships and areas and you will begin to realize you have started to let go.


3. Forgive Yourself, And Forget The Past: Yes change starts with you. I know you feel guilty and you think how could you have been so stupid? I know you feel foolish like you were deceived and now you want to end up compromising. Please don’t do it. Forgive yourself first so you can learn to begin forgiving your ex and you will naturally forget the past. I always say the first step is to make the decision in your heart and carry it out with some simple tasks: delete their pictures, numbers, texts, contacts on social media and proceed to block everything. Block their number so they cannot reach you on whatever platform, so you will not be tempted. The more you do this the harder it will be to hang on to memories and the easier it will become to forgive yourself and you will find you will start to feel less pain towards your ex as you face forward and move on. This will naturally enable you to forget the past so you can start to build on a foundation that will last.

4. Learn What You Want In A Family: Yes this is truly one of the most important things. When you leave a toxic relationship you usually know what you don’t want from the next one and also you should start spending time to learn where YOU went wrong and what YOU did wrong. Yes I know they were terrible, selfish, obnoxious, manipulative, unkind, cheaters etc but thats besides the point-what did you do wrong? This is a truth you will have to face to reach the other side of happiness-where could you have improved? Where you too clingy? How did you misplace your priorities? Listen when you do this, you will start to know what you want in a family-its part of the process of focusing on the right picture. And yes I say family because you are building a foundation for a future. I am addressing men and women that want to face the altar in their future. Start looking at where you could improve for your next partner, where you could grow in becoming a husband/wife, ask God for direction and you will start noticing where you made certain errors, also start thinking generationally-What type of man do I want to lead the family? What type of man do I want my children to be emulating? What kind of man do I want to introduce to my family? (For men: Change the gender). These are questions you will start asking and when you begin to notice your ex does not fit the picture of the type of man you want your children to be calling Daddy/Mommy, the type of husband/wife you want to stand with etc you will begin to let go some more.

These are just 4 steps to help you let go practically.

I now offer Coaching Classes-you can book a session here. For consulations/questions on the Coaching Program send an e-mail to: tolu@tolufalode.com you can also learn more here.


Hi Guys! I haven't blogged this month-my apologies-I will aim to be more consistent moving forward. Any suggestions for topics can be placed down below!

1. Have I Healed? This is an important question only you can answer-have you allowed God to heal you from your past pain? From your baggage-known and unknown? When God breathes healing in your direction its take time but it would take a whole lot longer for you to figure it out on your own. Before you move into your next relationship you need to know you have enough room to love someone else other than you.

2. Do I Love Myself? This is the next question you need to answer-its vital that you have a relationship with yourself before you take the next step to loving someone else. You will not know how to love, who to love and what love is if you do not know how to love yourself. This in itself is a journey-there is no perfection but there is progress in this direction and when you move in progress you will notice love is a process which in itself will change the way you love.

3. Do I Know My Deal Breakers? You need to know what in essence you will not stand for in a relationship-deal breakers are red lights not yellow and most definitely not green. A lot of people move into relationships with yellow lights-in other words they compromise aspects of their lives  that should not be questioned in the first place-for instance-your faith is not up for debate-you should not be compromising in this area-so do you know your deal breakers? What are they?

4. Am I Ready For Marriage? Yes thats a question you have to ask yourself because if you’re old enough to be in a relationship that is grounded in God’s will, you’re old enough to start thinking on marriage but do you know what it means to be married? I’m not talking about a wedding i.e the dress, venue, flowers, your bridesmaids or groomsmen-I am talking about saying yes when you want to say no to your spouse’s decisions, being there for your spouse through the highs and the lows, putting your spouse first and above your needs and wants, making a home not just a house, preparing to fight for your family in prayer and more-are you ready?

These are some 4 key questions I believe everyone should ask themselves before getting yourself into another relationship. And these questions will need reflection and introspection.

It will take time but it will be worth it if you find the answer.